Then and Now

In February 2013, as a Valentine message to my friends, I posted this on Facebook:

"All I'm saying, to single women in their late 20s and 30s, love in this age is far more real than most "love" in high school or college so keep the faith. You are more wiser, more sexier, more battle-trained and more eligible to take risks. Don't let the bad ones ruin the party of your life. Don't let stupid people or misleading media tell you where your place in the market should be. 

Go out. Meet new people. Take chances with a clear head on your shoulder and a strength in your heart to endure no matter what."

I would like to expound more on the subject. I am not dissing teenagers who fall in love during their time in school. I respect that. I've been there. I mean, really went through all that drama, the stress, the depression, everything. So no, I'm not dismissing feelings or what we called love during that age.  It's just that most times, you'll be mature enough to look back and say, oh man, did I really do that? Did I really fawn over such a guy? Did I really tell him I will love him forever and ever until my last breath? In high school???!! Crap. That's just embarassing. Maybe you'll look back, and laugh, blush a little or decide to hide under a rock and never attend any reunion. At all. Because most probably, everyone knew about you and that boy.

Anyways, I'm going off track. What I said about falling in love or experiencing love in your late 20s and 30s being better and far more real, I think it makes sense. Why? Because you're older. You can decide to go out with someone or not. You can fall in love and break your heart and make it your own responsibility to endure. Do you remember how frustrating it was to get hurt in high school but you can't really do much about it? After school's out, you only have a few hours to kill to hang out with your friends, get advices or not talk about it and just have fun before it's time to go home. Some people even have just an hour before their parents start looking for them. Do you remember having to immediately stop crying because your Dad just passed by your room? Do you remember crying on your friends' shoulders but would need to wipe it all off suddenly because it's already 5pm and kailangan mo na umuwi dahil ikaw ang naka-toka mag-saing? (it's already 5pm and you need to go home because it's your task to cook rice for dinner) Do you remember having to say everything is okay at the dinner table even if, at that moment, you feel your world is crumbling to pieces? You can't go out anytime to settle things or make amends with your "boyfriend" because your parents will not let you go out. How worrisome it was that while your parents won't let you out, you kept thinking, Oh God, Oh God, if I don't talk to him now, he might hate me forever! If he leaves me, I'll die!!!! Ang hirap di ba? (It's hard, right?) Or if you are having a happy time with someone special, you can't really blurt out about it at home. You can't let him walk you home all the way. He has to stop somewhere some point where he can't be seen, meanwhile you would need to walk the rest of the way. 

Now that you're older, it's more freeing in a way. If you want to fall in love, it's just up to you now. No, no, no, no. Even if you say your friends would have a say in it, no matter what they say, you will still do what you want. Right? Right? Hahaha. You have had experiences, you've seen at least a couple of types of people, may it be bad or good, you know if it's a line or he's sincerely interested, you know if this person is for real or just playing a round. You can take risks and be man (or woman) enough about it if it fails. If you break your heart, you can stay out all night with your friends, drinking and dancing. You can yell, cry, sob, howl, break stuff till morning since you probably already have your own place or renting out. And if you don't have such a place, you don't need permission from anyone to go anywhere to do just that. 

When you're older, you know that no matter how this hurts now, you will move past it. You will survive, maybe not immediately, maybe it would take months or years,  but you know you will. You now know that the line "if he leaves me, I'll die" from high school is just a shitty exaggeration. No one's dying over that. Especially not you. It's just really up to you if you want to move forward or wallow some more. Don't let these heartaches ruin your party. Accept and learn. Have faith that God loves you enough not to give you anything you can't handle. Value the people who are with you through happy times and sad ones. Have a good support system. Don't do drugs. Brush your teeth before going to bed. Live on.

A friend once told me during a sad time in my life. "You are in a well. I'm up here. I'm holding a rope. You see it in front of you. It's up to you if you want to climb up or wallow in the waters some more. Just make the rope move, if you want me to pull you back up again."